Seasons

For those that know me – that really KNOW me, they know that I absolutely live for autumn and winter. I absolutely despise spring and summer. Why spring you ask? Because it is summer’s precursor. It’s the season that most folk start to shed clothing, it gets way too warm (and if you live in Saint Louis like me, the humidity is enough to make you want to walk around in an ice bath all day). It doesn’t warrant “jolly-ness”…yes, I just made that word up. It’s doesn’t activate feelings of kindheartedness, peace and goodwill towards men. As a matter of fact, heat makes people irritable. You can’t keep people in excessively places too long or they’ll lose it. Ever think about why people flock to air conditioned facilities when it’s too warm? Subconsciously, people pine for winter. Cool dictates comfort-ability. No one will admit that though.

Our weather seems to be breaking now in Saint Louis. We’re staring down the barrel of fall weather for about the next ten days or so, and I vow to take advantage of that. I have a fire pit that I plan to utilize, make a warm drink and just relax. Maybe with the change in seasons it will change my outlook on life. If you’ve been keeping up, life hasn’t been all that great right now, but I said that I wouldn’t quit; that I wouldn’t give up. And I meant that. Yeah, things are rough right now, and I’m squinting, looking towards the end of the tunnel, and that little light keeps getting further and further away, almost to the point where I don’t see it. But I know it’s there. I’m sure there are people that are going through much, MUCH worse that what I’m dealing with, and my prayer is that God will have mercy on them, hear their prayers and meet them in their time of despair. But if I can be transparent – I’m one of those people right now. The season I’m in, that my family is in right now seems more than we can actually deal with right now, but we are not without hope. We are not without the hope that as long as God is there, He will sustain us until we pass through this storm, this season, because once we’re out of THIS one, we’re on to another season, and we need to be prepared for that one. I want to be able to tell of God’s mercy in the midst of insurmountable odds; I want to be able to tell everybody I meet that when I didn’t see how, God did it. I want to tell them to be prepared for the change of seasons. I want to tell them that the unbearable heat is only temporary, and that the cool of autumn and winter are on it’s way. In essence, I’m encouraging MYSELF so that when I encourage YOU, you’ll be able to witness first hand the deliverance of which I speak; that it’s not something that I’ve only heard of, but experienced it personally.

Still a little warm around these parts, but I feel a change in the season coming. I’d better go grab a jacket.

Advertisements

Boomerang

What you throw out doesn’t always come back, ironically. After experiencing a somewhat euphoric victory yesterday, it all came crashing down. Story of my life right? I wasn’t told that life gets HARDER the longer you live. Even though everything in life has a purpose and nothing happens for the hell of it, man, I gotta tell ya I think I’m still just floating around with no specific purpose. You read sooooo many emotional “Red Bull” messages in the morning about “making the day great”, “carpe diem”, “go out and make an impact”.

WHAT???? How the hell do you do THAT??? EVERYDAY????

Sometimes, all I have in me is to get up, go to work, finish work, come home and reset for the next day, and it’s even a struggle sometimes to do that. Sometimes, my mindset is to just “get through the day man”. If I can do that, I’m winning somewhat. What happened to that feeling I had, that feeling of invincibility, that I can do all things through Christ that I spewed yesterday??? I’ll tell you what happened to it. It died, that’s what.

I’m learning that whatever you declare in life, you have to be ready to defend that declaration. If you say “I can do ALL THINGS through Christ”, then be prepared to do ALL THINGS in the midst of adversity. Be ready for “the struggle”. Nothing is ever going to be easy, and I think I’ve gotten old enough to know this by now. I guess I just don’t want to believe it, considering I’ve struggled almost ALL of my adult life. No matter how positive I can me, it doesn’t always come back, and that’s the honest truth. That boomerang that I throw out doesn’t always have the same stuff on it when it comes back home. I get that now. So what do I do when the contents of the boomerang have changed?

Keep going, I guess. Hell, I don’t really have a choice, do I? I don’t liken myself to a quitter, but I admittedly lose motivation when it gets dark. So now I have to talk (or type) my way outta some stuff. It sucks when you experience that “transference of energy” (circa “Two Can Play That Game”) and have to fight your way out of a funk that someone ELSE put you in (yeah, that happens a lot too). Encourage yourself, the songwriter said. Speak over yourself. It is easier said than done, but it can be done, and it WILL be done. And no matter what I declare in the atmosphere, I know a challenge is coming. A challenge to see what I’m truly made of, if I have the resolve to actually BE what I declared to be. Some days, I’ll win. Some I’ll lose. I guess to have those days is a blessing in itself, but some days, you just wanna look up and say “Lord, no mas”….but “have mercy” keeps coming out.

The struggle. It’s realer than you think.