It sometimes sneaks up on me; like a bad accident. Before I know it, I’m experiencing pain that shoots from the base of my neck all the way down to my calves and every point in between. The kicker is being stressed out messes with my blood sugar levels. And my attitude….
…when I’m stressed out, I don’t care – about ANYTHING. Sometimes I wish I were dead. I used to be ashamed to say that publicly – that I’ve considered suicide several times even in this present time. I’ve never been able to deal with conflict. That’s why I work so hard to avoid it. At my age (42), I’m not sure if I’ll ever learn to deal with it. I do my absolute best to stay out of people’s cross hairs, but somehow, I keep getting caught in them. Apparently, I have an uncanny way of doing that no matter what attempts I make to keep peace. The job is stressful. Home life is EXTREMELY stressful. I used to have outlets, but those are no longer available to me.
So here it is – I have all of these issues just floating around in me and there’s nowhere to put them, nowhere to release them. So they get pressed down and more & more gets added to it, until it gets to a point where I have nowhere to go with it. Now if I explode, which would be the natural course of action for someone with these kinda issues, that’ll make matters MUCH worse. You see, when you’re stressed out, no one really understands what’s going on in your head. YOUR issues become THEIR issues and this is no longer a cry for help – it becomes a transference of energy. Now I’ve got MORE drama.
So what happens next? Your guess is as good as mine…………….